OMG!!! Lady Gaga has got stretch marks!!!

This was more or less one of the headline stories in the entertainment section of the Daily Mail. Actually, this is exactly how it read, and the top photo was a close up of Gaga's cleavage and said stretch marks.

Big deal, you would think. A woman has stretch marks....she just happens to be a pop star. But there is still a lot of ignorance regarding women's bodies. The comments on the article are an example of this. Alex from Glasgow says; 'Genuine question - What causes stretch marks like that on breasts? I've never seen that before!' He might think that's a genuine question, but a woman reading that who hasn't got a 'perfect' body like you see on airbrushed magazine photos would probably feel like she's some sort of circus freak.

Britgirl from LaLa Land (the best location for her) says; 'AWFUL stretch marks on first picture'. Note the caps lock on the word 'awful'. And GillianB from Omaha shows the same level of ignorance: 'In the first picture it looks like she's aged significantly , That hair cut is not doing her any justice , and what's up with the stretch marks on her boobs ? Her personal style just keeps getting worse and worse'.

With attitudes like that no wonder so many of us have hang ups about our bodies! Instead of thinking of our scars as a proud mark of being survivors, of having had children, or signs of having achieved an amazing weightloss, we are ashamed of them. Which brings me to a recent article on the BBC website with some women's personal stories. 

"After I gave birth I was shocked. And horrified. I had never seen an after-pregnancy belly with stretch marks and sags exposed. At all. I hadn't heard about it. I didn't even know that it existed. The worst part is that I get disapproval from women the most. My mom says I can always get a tummy tuck. My friend said I looked that way because I gained too much weight when I was pregnant and that the fat, not the baby stretched me out. Another told me I hadn't used enough cocoa butter on my belly. My teenage daughter laughs at it. Most of these reactions suggest that either I am at fault, ugly or very unfortunate. That it is something that needs to be fixed. It would be nice, after all these years, to be able to accept my own different, scarred body. It would be nicer if others were able to accept too". Yvanna Sherman, Philadelphia, US

"I'm slim, but my tummy, at 54, and after two children, looks a bit like the top picture. No it's not beautiful! But am I having sleepless nights about it, or insisting it's photographed, or that someone tells me it's "beautiful"? No. Some women's tummies are still beautiful after childbirth. Actresses, models... those who have the motivation to work sufficiently hard afterwards to restore their figures are the proof that it can be done. Most women's tummies after childbirth aren't, and that is due to lack of exercise or a lack of hard physical work, and diet - simple as that. The majority of us live unnatural lives - if we were all labouring on the land for our food and sustenance, there'd be no more squidgy tummies. I do think people are missing the point here - surely the point is not to worry whether we look "beautiful" or not - there are other things by which we can be valued! And to try to insist that we all say wrinkly loose skin is "beautiful" when it's really not is patronising!" Debbie Took

Even at 54, Debbie is still being influenced by celebrity bodies. I'm not sure if these actresses and models have the motivation, what I do know is that they can afford plastic surgery, personal trainers, and usually employ nannies, housekeepers, etc. And then there's always good old photoshop. 

Unfortunately, I can totally relate to these experiences. I had my daughter at 16. I was a single teenage mum, and nobody had ever mentioned stretch marks. Back in the late 70s, it wasn't a topic discussed in magazines, or between women. At 16, I was totally unprepared for the changes in my body, and it was bad enough being considered 'damaged goods' by my parents because of being single. When I first saw my stretch marks, it really emphasized that I was damaged goods. Not only were they a punishment for being an unwed mother, but no man would ever find me attractive again. I felt I was destined to remain single all my life, and did not have a proper relationship until I was pushing 30. Even then, the first few times we made love, it was always in the dark. I only started letting my barriers down when we moved in together, and even then, the scars were always at the back of my mind. 

And so they remained until I started bellydancing a few years ago, and realized that other women had the same scars and weren't afraid to flaunt them. Their confidence inspired me.

Not all the stories on the BBC article are so negative though; some of the women discuss how the changes in their body have empowered them:

"After three children I realised the elasticity in my stomach skin just wasn't coming back. The thing is that I'm a karate instructor and people are astonished that when I tense my stomach my abs are rock hard. They're just under my skin! What saddens me are friends of mine who are mothers and are trying to diet away their baby sag. It's not fat, it's a natural sign of what your body has done." Alison Thompson, Rossett, Wales

"My body changed drastically from pregnancy. My once-taut stomach now sags a little with stretched skin and that skin that was once soft and youthful is now permanently scarred. The young woman looking at herself in the mirror then (almost seven years ago) struggled to find beauty in those changes. Somehow over time, that has changed. Now, when I look in the mirror, I see a woman. A woman who has been lucky enough to be fruitful... to carry the life of a child. I see a woman with breasts and scars and hips and she's perfectly beautiful in the most imperfect way. Now, facing infertility due to a disease, I'm grateful for the scars and stretched skin... I'm grateful for that reminder every time I look in the mirror. I once had the honour of bearing a child in my womb... of growing that beautiful baby and keeping her healthy and giving birth to her. What blessing could top that? What scar could steal that joy?" Kait, Green Bay, US

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-23348110

These last two comments show us the attitudes that society needs to promote, not the negative stereotyping and ignorance demonstrated by the Daily Mail.

How not to get old

Why boob jobs aren't a good idea

I've just watched a programme with the above title. I had read mixed reviews about this, so I thought I would take a look for myself, rather than rely on other people's opinions. So luckily it's still available on 4OD.

Instead of sensible advice for those of us who are of a certain age, it turns out the programme mainly about advice on cosmetic surgery.

First of all, a woman of 28....you read right, it's not a typo. 28

She's had kids and has the obvious stretch marks and loose skin that comes with motherhood. She has no confidence whatsoever. The presenter doesn't do her any favours either, comparing her body to that of a pensioner. The young woman says she can't go to the pool or the beach or make love with the lights on. The obvious advice would be some sort of counselling on body image therapy. But no, the advice is 'the only solution would be surgical' is the answer. This is just sending out the wrong information to other women with the same issue but cannot afford this option (the figure quoted for this lady's procedure is $5,600!!!). Not only because of the financial cost, but also the fact that one of the women interviewed who had the procedure mentioned that she was not able to do any housework for a few weeks. So I guess she was able to afford a cleaner as well.

I can relate to that young woman. It has taken me a long time to accept my stretch marks, but now that I am in my 50s I have the confidence that I never had in my 20s. I have come to terms with my body and realised I am not a freak, it is something that most women who have had children experience. They are our battle scars which tell us that we have been there, done that and worn the t shirt. We are survivors.

But instead of boosting women's self esteem and acceptance, the media does its utmost to portray unrealistic images of women. There is a lot of money to be made in the beauty industry. In the programme, the presenter demonstrates a non-surgical treatment to make one's thighs 'lifted, smooth and youthful'. It costs a whopping £1,600, and it consists of a machine that vacuums away fat cells 'painlessly'. The beautician does mention that you also need to watch your diet and take regular exercise. Don't try this at home with your old vacuum cleaner just in case......

It's not just women featured in the programme. A 41 year old man is self conscious about the bags under his eyes. His partner isn't very supportive, and chips in that even though she is older than him, he looks a lot older than her. In my opinion, he actually looks very normal. Call me old fashioned, but I like my men to look masculine, not like a plastic Ken Doll. Give me Lemmy from Motorhead any day, warts and all!!!